the amount of time it takes a potential relationship candidate to realize i'm nothing they want to get involved with is becoming shorter with each prospect.
it's reached the point of "re-goddamned-diculousity.
am i bummed? yes.
and i torn up inside? no.
am i exhausted wasting my time trying to get to know someone to be ultimately turned down? HELL YES.
to put it quite simply, i am finished.
to elaborate...
until, if ever, i meet someone who can actually accept me for who i am equally for who i am not i don't care too much for wasting my time. even the sex isnt worth it. it only becomes cheapened when not too long after i am told nothing serious will become of our "tryst"
and person x, y, or z is not at all in the wrong for knowing what they do or do not want. i prefer someone who won't fake the funk to lead me on any further.
but are there other letters?
is it possible to meet someone who doesn't care about status?
i am nichole.
i do not have a job.
this semester i had to take a break from school.
i am currently living at home with my mother.
i am a tad of an introvert.
i have my quirks (who doesnt?)
i may sometimes drink more than i should which may be an excuse to escape.
sounds fantastic on paper, i'm sure.
but i am caring and i want to share beauty, explore different places and reach certain levels of thinking with someone on the same page.
i want to know more. i want to know everything.
i want my care and commitment to be enough.
i want to be myself.
i can be good for someone despite of my aforementioned "personality flaws"
of course they will never know.
so there goes another one. better sooner than later.
can't say i'll be getting back on the horse for a while.
having time to think about it i've concluded that being alone beats the hell out of rejection.
so with that i say, down with dating.
well, self, looks like we will be spending more time together.
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