around and around we go..

it's funny. i spend all of this time over analyzing and going over every single possibility in my head until the decision is made for me.

i wanted her, i didn't want her. i could maybe learn to want her more, i was starting to get a tad over it.

and then tonight she basically does me a favor and shuts the door entirely.

while it was happening i knew in my head i would not be terribly distraught over the situation, but at the same time i couldn't help but thing 'here goes yet another rejection, and i'm not as use to it as i well should be by now'

she is right, we wouldn't have worked out.. but her reasoning was half assed. in so many words she meant she didn't want ME. MY personality. MY companionship. MY loyalty.

i'd like to think it's her loss but it doesn't make a different. not like she would really know.

this might just be a record year for rejection for me. they're dropping like flies -- or should i say they are dropping me.

it is what it is. and that is how i must take it.