There are many changes i'm having to adjust to and i'm curious to see what this year has in store for me. Last year i began my college career in noroflk, va at a rising college by the name of Old Dominion University. it was an exciting experience filled with ups and downs as im sure goes for almost everyone's first year. halfway through the year, having not met any real friends so far, i was so convinced i wanted to transfer to be closer to home. i stopped paying attention to any details pertaining to returning students as i was so sure i didnt want to be included, which meant applying for on campus housing which goes rather quickly and is nothing to mess around with. My second semester ended up going considerably better than the first. it was the time where i met more interesting people, explored the area more, enjoyed the highlights of the location, become more fond of the school and realize that one day i would be proud to say i graduated from odu. So of course when i realized i made a mistake the last week of school it was too late as far as housing was concerned, but i would be damned if i didnt try anyway. longer story shortened, i wasnt able to get housing and its too sort of notice to look forsuitable off campus housing. i accept full blame for this one.
now after a year, a tease, of being away from home and living a true college life, i'm back home. or what i commonly refer to as my own personal hell. this year i'll be attending Augusta State university, a lousy commuter college in the area that i feel offers a lesser quality curriculum than my original school of choice.(im trying to come to terms with the schools short comings). i'll be trying to meet new people while avoiding all the people i already know and who i am not particularly fond of who will also be in attendance.
My attempts to find work have been futile, but my agenda entails hitting the pavement even harder to find something part time that will keep me out of my newly secured "broke" state. i hate the way money rules "us" as people. i figure if im going to pick back up on hobbies, find more things to do than sit around watching movies all day and twiddling my thumbs, im going to need a way to finance my adventures. being broke has left me stranded in dependency and laziness. luckily i caught myself before i fell too far into the bottomless pit that is bumdom.
I've been having the worst luck with women this past summer, or should i say my entire dating career. i dont know if this is quite record material, but i've managed to swing 3 failed relationships in 3 lousy months. i dont know if im meeting the wrong people here or if im losing my touch, or better yet, if i ever had a "touch" to begin with. whatever the case, i know what im looking for, the connection im longing to establish. i've literally JUST ended things with the 3rd attempt at a summer romance and it only left me wanting more. will i meet that girl this coming school year? how will we meet? what will she be wearing? how will i go about trying to learn more about her? will she feel the same intrigue that i feel towards her? im betting not. but the funny thing about all of my relationships is they all happen when i least expect them. perhaps i shouldn't make girls my top priority.. PRESSING ON.
lastly, as of the moment, i will be reterning to a life with a sober mind. its getting to the point where habitually using weed (pot, ganja, marijuana, mary jane, wacky tabacky) is starting to get old. its not as fun as it use to be instead its become routine. a way to feel "normal". even the high is different. instead of the more motivaitonal, active, fun loving, thought provoking high, i;ve been getting the downer, lounge type of high which is beginning to make me feel like im slipping further away from the person i use to be. like im losing all the qualities in myself that i thought made me unique, creative, somewhat enjoyable. i want to find myself again and i think in order to do that i need to revert back to a time where i wasn't so caught up in getting high. its getting harder to remember what i was like before i began smoking. i dont like feeling like it changed me for the worst. i want to find out who i can be without any mind altering substances, including alcohol. i'm also pretty sure there is a direct correlation between my increase in partaking of those certain substances and my hiatus from writing or anything else i ever showed an interest in.
im starting back at zero and im waiting to see what this upcoming school year has in store for me while trying toget my life back on what i feel is the right track.
more to come.
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